Tuesday, April 18, 2006

How To Raise Good Christian Children

Many women have asked me how they can raise their children in a proper Christian way. The list below is advice I've compiled after careful thought and research on how to best raise a boy in today's world.

1. Schooling. Boys should be schooled separately from girls in a military style institution with male, Christian teachers. Courses should lean heavily toward math and finance. If you can afford boarding school, you will never regret it, they make the children feel like they are at home. Some boarding schools will even keep the kids over holidays and breaks, in order to instill in them an even deeper sense of belonging.

2. As we can never catch all the bad, nasty things a young boy will do, it's best to beat him pre-emptively on a daily basis. Spare the rod and spoil the child. A few swats on the backside each morning with a hairbrush will keep him in line. This is not discipline as you are not punishing the child for a specific offense so it is fine for a woman to do on her own.

3. Curfews. Curfews are important as they teach a child discipline and responsibility. A curfew of 8:00 pm on weekdays and 8:30 pm weekends is proper for boys under 16. For boys over that age, it's best to use your own judgement. As long as they are out in a group in public, a curfew of 9:30 on the weekend is acceptable.

4. Friends. YES YOU CAN CHOOSE HIS FRIENDS! And not only can you, you SHOULD! Nothing will influence a teenage boy more than the company he keeps. Any boy with long hair, ripped jeans or a leather jacket is an obvious bad choice for your son to have as a friend. But be aware that some "clean cut" children are not Christian and have not been raised in a Christian home. Who knows what kind of depraved morals lurk beneath their boy-next-door exterior. For that reason it's best to choose his friends from among the congregation at your church. That way you can be sure that his parents have raised him with proper values.

5. Entertainment. If you have a good church, this should be no problem. Many churches have after school programs that cater to the entertainment needs of young Christians. Ask at yours! Young boys have lots of energy, so sports teams are a great way for them to keep in shape, burn off their teenage frustration and bond with other males through the age old ritual of competition. Skateboarding is not a sport. Neither is Dungeons and Dragons. Video games should be kept to a minimum and should never contain any kind of violence unless it is a game put out by the U.S. Armed Forces. Movies should be screened for sex, violence and content before they watch them, by either yourself or someone at your church.

6. Dating should be with a mind toward marriage. Too many young men these days ruin their lives by impregnating the town slut. There is no need for young boys to experiment with sex before marriage. The best way to make sure your son doesn't become a teen father is to simply not allow dating. When he reaches 16, it is ok to introduce your son to a church-run teen social club so that he may become aquainted with some suitable young girls in the area. Make sure the club is fully chaperoned and don't hesitate to step in and help out if it's not.

7. Music. Rap is a definite no-no. Children are impressionable and the rap industry is geared toward turning your sons into women-hating, mysoginist ho-masters. If you hear your son using terms like, "word to your mother", or "chill", it's a good indication he has been listening to rap music. Don't be swayed by arguments such as "rap is mainstream" because it's not. Just because children are turning into little thug bastards at such a rate they are beginning to be the majority does NOT make it mainstream. Rap these days is nothing more than criminals bragging about how much money they made off of your children and how many asses they've capped. It will rot your child's brain.

Acceptable music is classical, big band, and any music with Christian in the label.

8. Clothing and accesories. Baggy clothing that exposes a boy's bottom is NEVER acceptable. Baseball hats off the baseball diamond are NEVER acceptable. Baggy sweaters, no. Bling, no. Cellphones should be limited to the walkie-talkie type with preset numbers programmed by you, otherwise he may begin dealing drugs.

9. Behavior: As the old saying goes, children should be seen and not heard. Young boys are notorious slouchers and fidgeters and this should be curbed at an early age. Boys have a natural aversion to keeping clean, make sure that your son showers at least once a day, brushes and flosses his teeth regularly and washes before every meal. It is important to make your son dress properly for dinner and church as it will make him comfortable in a suit. Proper manners should be stressed at all times, especially at the dinner table and in front of strangers. A first impression is a lasting impression. Children should never interrupt their elders and should always show respect. Running in church is disrespectful to God as is giggling in the pew or fighting with siblings. Rules should be stressed in ways to instill the fear of God into the child, remind him God is watching him at all times and make up a few stories about bad little boys who disobeyed their parents.

10. Punishment. Punishment should always be carried out by the father. In cases of single mothers who have no willing ex to help out, until you are re-married to a real Christian, have an uncle or other male relative or close friend step in. Never try to discipline a boy yourself, the humiliation is something he should never have to deal with as a man.

11. Religious Instruction. When your son reaches an age where he begins to ask serious questions about God and Jesus, you will have to refer him to his father, or in cases where that is impossible, a trusted older male relative, close friend or church member. Get him involved in Bible study and Sunday school. Remember, the values you have instilled in him now will last a lifetime.

So ladies, I hope that you'll find this advice helpful. I'll be writing a (much longer) list on how to raise good Christian girls in the near future. So in the meanwhile, get started on those boys!

Edited to add:

The internet for other than school work should be forbidden, email should NEVER be allowed and ALL internet use should be monitored. The reasons for this should be self-explanatory.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

How To Be A Good Christian Wife

A couple years ago I was bombarded with emails asking me how to please both Jesus and your Husband. I came up with a list for these ladies and it seemed to help.

I've re-written the list and I hope it helps as many women reading this as it has helped in the past.

1. Always be up before your Husband in the morning so you can have his paper and his breakfast ready for him when he wakes. Although it is the morning, there is no need to be slovenly, always make sure you are showered and dressed with your hair fixed and your make-up on. ALWAYS serve fresh orange juice. Only whores use frozen.

2. DO NOT sit down at breakfast. Your Husband will be trying to read the morning paper and the sound of your chair scraping on the floor will be a distraction to him as you get up and down to fetch him more biscuits or find his briefcase for him.

3. DO NOT be a clingy wife! Your Husband has a lot on his mind in the morning, planning out his busy day. Do not try to engage him in conversation about what your plans for the day are or other trivial matters. Always walk him to the door. Make sure to carry with you any of the things he has forgetton so he doesn't need to go back for them. Offer yourself for a kiss, but if he is too busy to notice DO NOT POUT. He has a lot of responsibility and the morning is not the time for feminine hysterics.

4. DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND AT WORK. Nothing will distract him from his responsibilities at work faster than trying to deal with yours as well. It can wait. In the case of an actual emergency, of course, calling him at work is necessary. PMS induced crying jags are not emergencies.

5. Spend your day cooking and cleaning. There is no excuse for anything other than a spotless house. Filth is for pigs not humans and cleaning top to bottom everyday is a good use of your time as well as good exercise. Bake lots of cookies and cakes and treats. ALWAYS REMEMBER a fat Husband is a faithful Husband.

6. When your Husband gets home from work, do not jump him with problems you've had during the day, or questions about his day. He needs time to relax and wind down. Make sure the TV remote is next to his chair and the batteries are fresh. Once he walks in the door, ladies...turn OFF the soaps and talk shows.

7. Have a snack ready for him to eat as you finish dinner. If he is not happy with your choice of snack DO NOT POUT, it's your fault. He's had a busy day and he's not psychic. Replace the snack immediately with what he wants.

8. Dinner should be more formal than breakfast. At this meal you may be seated, and allow him to serve himself from the table. Of course if he wants hotter gravy or something from the kitchen, you need to be up and gone for it with a smile. DO NOT PIG OUT. Always leave the table a little bit hungry to maintain both your figure and your dignity.

9. After dinner you may begin clearing the table as he waits for you to bring his dessert. He will be in a state of relaxation by this point and feel contented. If he aims a playful swipe at your backside during the clearing, respond with an "oh you!", smile and continue to the kitchen to get his dessert.

10. When choosing a dessert, remember a fat man is a faithful man and a full man falls asleep fast. Use lots of rich icings and creamy fillings.

11. Do not complain or question if your Husband has plans for after dinner. He has the right to a private life. Never call to check up on him. Use your free time to bake more, or to do his laundry.

12. Always go to bed before your Husband. He deserves a quiet time to reflect on his day and to plan for tomorrow. If he wakes you for sex when he comes to bed, give in graciously.

13. Never initiate sex yourself. Only whores initiate sex.

So ladies, print this out and keep it somewhere where you can see it daily. Not only will your Husband be much happier but so will you.

And of course, you will be pleasing Jesus and isn't that what it's all about?

NOTE: to access all of the comments, use the haloscan thingy.

Monday, April 03, 2006

How to Handle an Open Thread on Liberal Blogs

Liberals, being the lazy sons of guns that they are, often have open threads on their blogs. That way they can keep visitors interested in talking amongst themselves, keeping them on their blogs without having to actually do any work.

For us conservatives this presents a wonderful opportunity, if we choose to act on it. Remember, anyone is allowed to post on an open thread. There is no determined topic. This is your chance to take control of the blog and direct the flow of conversation the way you want it to go.

Rule #1: Attack. Hit the liberals where it hurts. This is your time to take control of the debate. Don't pull any punches. You want them on the defensive the minute you're there. Liberals generally aren't very quick thinkers, if you hit them hard in the first post they won't know how to respond.

Rule #2: Attack, but always be courteous. The liberals will troll you, flame you, insult you, use every dastardly trick within their arsenal to assault you without actually joining in any sort of debate. Always keep the higher ground and do not resort to their level. More people are reading these threads than posting on them, and they will acknowledge you for your courteousness and attempts at reason being thwarted by irrational liberals.

Rule #3: Don't be scared off by hordes of liberals trolling you. You may be in their territory, so to speak, but you are right. Don't let yourself be swayed by the growing influx of parrots all chirping nonsene at you like mongrel hordes of dogs.

Rule #4: Join in the side chatter. Remember, this is an open thread and there will be discussion that isn't directly pointed at debate. While you shouldn't let it sidetrack you from the topic at hand (the topic that you began), joining in non-debate discussion will ingrain you into the community.

Rule #5: You are in charge. Don't let yourself be swayed by the liberals. Keep to your point, and don't let yourself be drowned out. If these people are ever to see reason, it will be through your efforts and the efforts of others.

Rule #6: Always keep in mind that your reading audience is far larger than the few liberals who will be responding to you. You probably won't reach those who actually post, but lurkers and those who are just reading the blog will see what you say and pay attention. Remember you are writing for them too.

Rule #7: Have Fun!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

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